I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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