i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
