ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
