I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
