yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
