Only a mothe r could love this liver
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
