you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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