she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
