Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
