We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
