I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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