We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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