Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
