You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
