if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
this hospital has no fireball
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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