Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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