mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
