Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
