so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
