I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
