I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize