i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
