And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
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