____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
