your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He shit in the fireplace
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize