The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't turn off my feet"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
