No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
