So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize