I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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