Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
