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Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
