just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
