Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
third nipple confirmed
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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