I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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