it was like eating out sand paper
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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