Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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