what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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