I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
