Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All the doctor said was why
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
