two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize