He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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