The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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