I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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