im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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