Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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