i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
