pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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