don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
