he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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