oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
