You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
