You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize