No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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