Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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