This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
