So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
