Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
