DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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