This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
