***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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