its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
