Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
