margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
