her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
