You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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