I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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