batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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