Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
