hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is wine microwaveable?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
