I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
