I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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