You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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