I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize