I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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