Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
