I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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