So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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