Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
