my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
