I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
