I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
