I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
