I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
