All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
