drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think my moral compass just broke
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