you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
