What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
