we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
