U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
