I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
