I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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