We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
is that a dick in a sweater?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
